Road Warrior

Last week I completed a Triathlon. From start to finish, I did it!
It was such an invigorating experience and yet I find myself down playing every part. I had technical difficulties with my bike and as a result it took me twice as long to complete that part of the race. I took so long in fact, one police man who was at a post left, but slammed on his breaks and reversed when he noticed me slowly climbing up the last hill. I wouldn't have noticed him if he hadn't shouted out his window, "Whoa! I'm sorry I thought the race was over! I'm glad I noticed you!"
I am still surprised how immediately I crumbled. "What a looser I am!" I thought. "What do I think I am doing? I don't belong here!" I continued berating myself for the rest of the bike part of the competition. It got worse from there.
As I was rounding the last of the bike trek, I saw my husband finishing the final part of the run. I was so proud of him. I was so excited about how he was doing and then I lost it. I became a jealous sore loser.
"I should just give up! I am so embarrassed with my performance! I should just stop and save face..."
As soon as I realized I was about to give up, another thought occurred to me. What would I tell my friends if they gave up because of how they felt they looked?
I would think they were crazy! I would tell them to focus on the big picture, they were here trying something very difficult, and new and they were almost finished. I would have reminded them that they had already finished the swimming part and now the biking part and all that was left was the running. I would tell them that they knew how to run. They could run and they could do it well.
As I was soothing my invisible friends, I changed my counselling from third person to first person. I can run. I can run and run fast. I don't want to be dead last in this part of the race!
I hung up my bike and continued on.
I waved at my kids and husband who were now watching and waiting for my on my last leg of the race. I was going to finish.
I ran/walked up the first hill.
I was still trying to gain back myself confidence. I passed a woman walking, too. I asked if she was alright, she told me she had finished the earlier, more advanced race that morning and thought it would be fun to walk this race.
This batted at myself esteem more. I felt like the woman had insulted me, seeing this race as less than, and I was walking it.
Emotionally I stumbled, fighting with myself to stay focused.
My music wasn't inspiring, my shirt I was wearing was too hot. I didn't like how my shorts kept riding up, and on and on.
Up a head I noticed another woman walking. There were people heading back to the finish line, but still there was one other woman walking the same direction. I decided to jog up to her.
When I caught up to her, she was out of breath and sweating profusely. I asked her if she was doing this race.
She gulped and said, "Yes, but my doctor told me to walk this part. So I am. I am going to finish this race!"
She was the most inspiring woman there. She was over weight, she was over heated and she was going to finish the race.
Her energy leaped into me and I was finally back in the game. I began running.
I ran to the half way mark where I drank some water and Gatorade, quickly.
I turned around and noticed in the distance someone else walking heading toward the finish line.
My goal changed into a bite sized task. I would run to that woman.
I threw off my shirt (my sports bra I swam in earlier would keep me cool), I turned up my MP3 and I ran.
As I got closer to the woman in the distance, I ran faster. And the faster I ran, the more I gave myself positive feed back.
Soon I was right behind the woman, but she started running too.
This time I wasn't discouraged, I was on fire. I wasn't going to be dead last in the running part, I was going to show myself I could, and was competing in a Triathlon!
The last leg of the run was down hill, quite steep, too. I could hear people cheering me on, I joined in! I could do it! I was doing it!
I ran faster than I have ever run as an adult before.
And then it was done. I had completed what I had come to do.
Later, the stats where posted. I realized something very valuable. If I wouldn't have stunted myself by pouting, I would have finished in a much faster time. I realized it wasn't the technical difficulties that kept me from competing, it was me, wasting time on why I should give up.
I don't want to be that negative person again. In fact, I am tired of being complacent and negative all together. I want to compete, I want to fight for myself. I want to fight to have a life! And I am going to, starting now.