Day 2

Am I the only one who is concerned that Jamie Lee Curtis is in a movie with talking dogs? I feel bad for her. I recently received an e-mail of what to be grateful for. To stop complaining that I don't like my shoes because there are people who don't have shoes at all, etc, etc. I now have another, "Thank goodness I ..." thank goodness I don't have to be in a movie and pretend to be with talking dogs. No I don't have a career. Yes, I feel like sometimes I have absolutely no direction. But thank goodness, I don't have to be in a movie and pretend there are talking dogs. I can choose what I want. Talking dogs, no. Fashion industry, maybe. An Art aficionado, why not? Many times I stunt my own growth because I get caught up in, "the shuddas". I think most women I know have a giant case of "the shuddas". I think it is worse than the "disease to please" because you don't even try to please. To try to please is a productive step, at least you are moving forward in trying. "The shuddas" on the other hand is a tight little guilt trap that takes your mind, encases your emotions and squashes them with self doubt, making your worth a bloody pulpy mess. Then you never quite heal from it. You start adding to the pulp by making lists. At first the list starts with an item or two. Then the list builds and builds, getting so huge that it starts feeding on your esteem; hungry and unforgiving. But it does not end with you. You have only titillated it. The pulp and its unquenchable thirst is now on a hunt. Who is better than you? Why are they so perfect, and I am not? The pulp is a murderer and it uses you to seek out other victims, crushing the unknowing person in its path. The list grows and turns into a manifesto, leaving a trail of impossible demands on your weak and leaking self esteem.
I should not have named Jamie Lee Curtis. I should be grateful for the shoes I walk in. I wish I had a career. I should have a direction to follow. I shouldn't have dragged you, an accidental tourist, into my insanity... I probably should end this post now...Beware, "the shuddas" are gonna get you.