My Molting Mug

One week ago I decided to under go a Chemical Peel. I was told it was fairly non-evasive. It resulted in the removing of skin deterioration, pock-marks and fine lines. There might be some discomfort. There could be some peeling, I was informed. I was told this by an esthetician who donned the skin of a new born baby. She looked fabulous, but she lied. The very name of "Chemical Peel", should have clued me in. You are chemically peeling your face off! If I dunked my face in a tub of Bleach, I would probably have less wrinkles, fewer pock-marks and the obliteration of acne scars. I also wouldn't have skin on my face. And it wouldn't cost me $139.00! The procedure was done in a beautiful, peaceful, spa environment. There was mood lighting, the smell of eucalyptus and essential body oils waffed through the air. In the distance I recall hearing a fountain. I know this because whenever in close proximity to water, I have to pee. And I had to pee during this experience. Anyway, the beautifully-skinned woman applied what she referred to as a "less evasive" peel. It had the consistency of Liquid Dish soap and smelled of Wintergreen. I enjoyed the facial massage that went along with the application. Skin-girl didn't seem to mind my absent-minded prattle. Then she handed me a large portable fan, giving instructions to pull a lever left for more wind and right for less and placed it on my stomach. Interesting...10 seconds after the expensive goop was rubbed into my skin a horrible burn scratched its way to the service. I panicked. Which way was I suppose to pull the lever for more air? Quietly, the woman with the beautiful skin, asked me to describe the pain. On a scale from 1-10 I was suppose to rate how much discomfort I was experiencing. I skipped the number 1 phase and began on a number 5. I was trying to "walk it off", refusing to be a wimp, while at the same time wonder if an epidural was included in the $139.00. Breathlessly, I blurted out "Seven!" It was really more of a 15, but I didn't want to admit that. 15 wasn't even on the pain registry! Luckily, it was short lived. When the procedure ended, I didn't look that much different. I was determined I could see immediate, visual improvements. On Tuesday, there was nothing different, maybe a little redness, but nothing to report. The next day the peeling began. I slathered sun-block 70 all over my face, and unfortunately in my eyes. BTW sun-block-eye-slather-pain lasts off and on for hours. Day three, I woke up, blistered, scabbed, peeling, and burning. I looked like I had literally fallen off the "turnip truck", and then the truck backed up over me. I couldn't eat (my mouth would split if I opened too, widely). I couldn't blink (my skin under my right eye would split). And, I couldn't laugh at my pitiful self (my face would gash open). I lived on 4 Advil and a Diet Coke every 4 hours that day and stayed hidden within the solace of my 3-bedroom Rambler. The following day I emerged. I had three doctor's appointments, and had to go to my College class. I felt awkward, naked, exposed. I couldn't wear makeup, I was sporting a hideous haircut from the week before, in order to prepare for a Lasik Optical exam I was wearing my dreaded glasses, and if I had to be in a swimsuit at the moment I would have shot myself. A woman from behind a drive-thru window confirmed my worst fears. She commented on my ugly hair. Saying that now I look like a "mommy". She then asked what was "going on" with my face and then informed me that I really should take a vacation; I needed to be hidden from the public looking the way I did. An hour and a half later I was sitting in a hair salon. Another two inches was cut off(a total of 6), and I began to breath again. The next day my face was better. My hair was better. I felt a little better. The day after that I was able to wear a bit of makeup, and my haircut was actually now on the cute side. Today, my face is much, much better. I went to my Optical exam and received great news. Soon, no more glasses or contacts. I am getting used to my haircut and don't jump when I see my reflection anymore. I can see I have a fresh look to my skin. My pores are tiny. Today, I began wondering if maybe I too, will become a skin goddess. I still have two more chemical peels to go and I feel confident that my acne scars will be gone soon, just in time for swimsuit season and sunburns!

Easter Egg Blues

Sometimes I worry that I am stuck in the Twilight zone. It is as if I am the only person without the whole story and I am suppose to navigate through life trying to fit different pieces into the void. I sat at two Easter dinners, with nearly identical menus, and tried out different pieces. Who am I? Where do I fit in? This is my family, why is it I am still trying to fit in? Both sides of my family tree are generally alike, but then there are huge differences. I don't consider myself extreme, in any way and maybe that is why I feel misplaced. Maybe, it's because I want to hear all the sides of an issue before I commit to a side. Doesn't this mean I'm non biased? Isn't this good? Instead I am seen as a rouge;some weird transplant that doesn't function how it should, and doesn't quite match the other appendages. I am someone else's heart.
I learned in my yoga class about being at one with the earth and the best way to do this is by being a valley, not a mountain. A mountain stands tall, and loud and wants the whole world to understand that they are the mountain. But the valley is constant, sturdy, and strong. The valley is quiet and reserved. The valley is what holds up the mountain, without the valley, the mountain would be lost. In fact, the mountain upside down points in the wrong direction. The valley on the other hand, has no direction, it is the direction. This is my own interpretation, and maybe I don't quite have it down how I would like, but it's a working thesis.
Three times today I had to try and remember to be a valley. I view being a mountain as better. Doesn't the valley just lay there? Isn't it weaker? Isn't it boring? Who wants to hike along a valley floor, when Mt. Kilimanjaro is right in front of you? I see the valley as the place of no where, don't you drag your feet across a valley? It isn't connected to the earth, it is the earth. Isn't the mountain in the heavens? Anyway, I am tortured by this mantra, I'm not sure I will go by it.
So, the bottom line is I am conflicted. I am confused about my place in my family, my place on the earth and my place in my own life. Happy Easter to me. Now that I think about it, Easter is just as confused as I am. A holiday devoted to Christ, symbolized by a mammoth walking Bunny that leaves eggs in children's colorful baskets. What the? Unfortunately, it has always made since to me before.
Well, hoppy Easter anyway, from the great void that is somewhere between the valley and the mountain peaks!